


Remember

by PlzdontcallmeVal (vlh114)



Category: Barduil - Fandom, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, Loss, Love, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-10-14 21:43:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20607803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114/pseuds/PlzdontcallmeVal
Summary: When Bard hears "I love you" he panics and says some things he will come to regret after Thranduil has an accident.





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to make this longer but the boys weren't cooperating. All chapters are written so updates will be quick. I hope you enjoy it.

WebMD.com

Dissociative amnesia occurs when a person blocks out certain information, usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event, leaving him or her unable to remember important personal information. With this disorder, the degree of memory loss goes beyond normal forgetfulness and includes gaps in memory for long periods of time or of memories involving the traumatic event.

Dissociative amnesia is not the same as simple amnesia, which involves a loss of information from memory, usually as the result of disease or injury to the brain. With dissociative amnesia, the memories still exist but are deeply buried within the person's mind and cannot be recalled. However, the memories might resurface on their own or after being triggered by something in the person's surroundings. There is some debate among professionals as to when “buried” memories may not always be true, and some experts warn about the risks of “recovering” false traumatic memories.

**

The flirting was harmless. Thranduil knew Bard had been married, had kids he was supporting. But he had to be careful. Bard was his boss. Bard’s boss was his father, Oropher. He’d only ever flirted when they were alone in Bard’s office. Nobody in the main office ever heard a word. It was fun to watch Bard blush though and having the encounters seemed to make the day go faster, they certainly made work more fun. And on the plus side; Bard never told him to stop so the advances, in Thranduil’s mind, must’ve been welcomed. Then one day it happened.

*

“Argh!” Bard was ready to pull his hair out. He’d been trying to get the sales report to balance but was having no luck.

At the desk just outside Bard’s door, Thranduil heard his boss’s groan, “Something wrong?”

Bard was going to say ‘no’ but quickly decided that a second pair of eyes would come in useful, “The sales report doesn’t balance.”

“The computer can’t find the problem?”

“I think the computer is part of the problem.”

“Need help then?” Thranduil smiled to himself, another chance to get his boss alone to flirt, to fluster.

“It would be appreciated.” Bard really had to move Thranduil to another desk.

“Now?”

“I don’t want to take you away from what you’re doing. Are you available this evening?” He was asking from trouble and he knew it, but the sales meeting was the next day. The report had to balance.

“I’ll see if Fin can watch Legolas. I’ll let you know in a few.” Thranduil sent off a text. A response would come quickly and he knew it would be the response he wanted.

“Okay.” Part of Bard hoped the answer would be ‘no’. Was he attracted to the tall, strikingly handsome younger man? Yes. Would the attraction turn physical if they were truly alone? Maybe. Would it be trouble for him if Oropher found out? Probably. He should change his mind, take the report home with him and find the error then. Alone, after hours, with Thranduil, in his office, nobody else around, he’d be careful. He had to be; the risk was too great not to be.

Thranduil called from the outer office, “I can stay!”

_Damn_. “Great. Thanks.”

The rest of the day passed quickly since there was something Thranduil had to look forward to. At five on the dot he stood before Bard at his desk. “Here I am, ready and _willing_.”

Bard didn’t miss the emphasis on ‘willing’, his heartbeat sped up. “Here, sit. Or do you want to take this to your desk?”

“Want me to sit in your lap?” Thranduil smiled but Bard quickly got up. The smile turned to an exaggerated frown. He made sure his boss saw it before he said, “Here is fine. You have a better adding machine.” Thranduil sat in the leather chair behind the desk. “Nice chair. Pays to be the boss. Do you know which column?”

“If I knew that I wouldn’t need your help,” Bard rolled his eyes before turning serious again. “I’ve looked three times. I used up a whole roll of adding machine tape doing it.”

“I’ll see if I can fix formulas in the program for next quarter or maybe we should check this monthly.”

“That’s fine but I need the report to balance now.”

“Right.” Thranduil set to work. Occasionally he would feel Bard looking over his shoulder as he added the columns manually. So close. Thranduil could feel the heat and the tension; he knew it wasn’t his imagination, that Bard could feel it too. All he’d have to do was turn his head to kiss Bard’s cheek. Would his boss mind, he thought not. “Your cologne is lovely.”

Bard straightened up, “I’m not wearing cologne.”

“You smell lovely then.”

“Thank you. Keep adding.”

Thranduil found the error in the third column. “Here it is. There’s a transposition here but is the totals entry or the sales figure wrong?” There were also columns for sales tax and commission.

It took a moment for Bard to find the sales record in the filing cabinet, “The sales figure should be twenty-nine thousand, eight hundred and fifty-three.”

After a few keystrokes Thranduil said, “That’s it then. Problem solved.”

It had taken Thranduil less than half an hour to find a problem he’d been working on all day but Bard was so relived he wouldn’t have to take the report home or take an unbalanced sales report into the meeting the following morning, “I’m so happy I could kiss you.”

“I wouldn’t stop you.” To his great surprise Bard cupped the side of his face with both hands, bent over and crashed their lips together.

The position was awkward for Bard who thought his back wouldn’t let him stay hunched and twisted for much longer. Then he felt it, Thranduil slowly moving, twisting his own body so he could stand up. How they didn’t break apart Bard couldn’t figure out but didn’t care because Thranduil opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. Everything was a blur after that; hands opening his trousers, pushing him to sit, Thranduil giving him the best oral sex of his life. Afterwards Thranduil had showed Bard how he’d managed to get himself off at the same time. Bard was immediately hard again. There was more kissing, fondling and a promise from Thranduil to bring the lube next time.

Bard left their encounters up to Thranduil; he never asked the younger man to stay late again. The office emptied faster than the speed of light the second the clock hit five though so nobody would know. If he wanted ‘company’ Thranduil would be in Bard’s office less than a minute later. A few times a week for close to four months they’d met. Most of the time Bard would have Thranduil under him, on the desk or the floor. Sometimes they took their time, sometimes it was hot and messy, but it was always magnificent.

The only time Bard had a fright that somebody knew about his relationship with Thranduil that somebody turned out to be his boss, Thranduil’s father, Oropher. They had been riding in the elevator together. After Bard had stepped out of the elevator on his floor and just before the doors closed again Oropher said, “It wouldn’t be a good idea for you to get involved with my son.” There had been no time to question the comment and Bard would never seek Oropher out for an explanation.

The comment was still in Bard’s mind when Thranduil, a couple of days later, uttered those three words.

“I love you.”

Bard had been sucking on a particularly sensitive spot on Thranduil’s body at the time and was afraid he’d head correctly, “What?”

“I said, ‘I love you’.”

“Oh,” Bard straightened himself up, “that’s what I thought.”

At seeing Bard rebuttoning his shirt Thranduil asked, “What are you doing?”

“I think we should talk before we take this any further.”

“Take it any further? Do you mean just tonight or every night?”

“From now on.”

“Oh, oh, I think I see.” Thranduil began to search for his own shirt.

“I don’t think you do. Please just listen to me.”

“No, I see just fine. I’m your dirty little secret. It’s just no strings sex for you, once or more a week, no commitment, no feelings. You wouldn’t want anybody finding out would you? You have children. How horrified would they be to learn their dad was doing another man?”

“That’s not it at all. You don’t know anything about me. To say you love me…”

“Don’t you think I know my own heart? We’ve worked side by side for months. You’ve given me the best advice about Legolas, you’re kind, funny, caring, empathetic, compassionate, thoughtful, forgiving. I know you and I know I’m in love with you.”

“It’s just an infatuation. I’m your boss.”

“That never stopped you from bending me over your desk and fucking me.” How his love turned to rage so quickly scared Thranduil who took a step back almost tripping out the door. “I quit.”

Thranduil was gone. 

Bard was speechless.

Bard would come after him. Of that Thranduil was sure. They would apologize to each other, kiss, then go back to the office to pick-up where they’d left off or maybe go to a nearby motel like they had for Bard’s birthday. He was so sure he sat in his car for half an hour waiting before he realized it wasn’t going to happen. Bard hadn’t even come out to go to his own car. Thranduil sped out of the parking lot as fast as he could tears falling from his eyes. _How could I have been so stupid? I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Now I have nothing. What am I going to tell Ada? I’ll have to ask for a transfer to a different department. He’s going to want to know why. Because I’m in love with my boss, Ada, and he doesn’t love me back. Ugh. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

He never saw the stop sign or the truck that hit him.

The next day Bard would get word that Thranduil was in a coma after a car accident.

***

Six months, almost to the day, Bard heard through the grapevine that Thranduil had woken up but didn’t remember anything that had happened in his life for the six months before the accident. After a stint in a physical rehabilitation facility Thranduil would be sent home. If Bard wanted to talk to the young man, and he did, he would have to go to the hospital.

The hospital was the same one his ex-wife had given birth to their children in but Bard had only been to the maternity ward. Thankfully the children never had a need to visit any of the other departments. After checking in at the reception desk Bard found his way to Thranduil’s room. He knocked lightly on the door before entering, “Hello, Thranduil.”

“Hi.”

There was an uncomfortable pause while Bard tried to think of the speech he’d prepared on his way to the hospital. He knew exactly what he wanted to say until the moment he opened his mouth.

“Are you another doctor?”

“What? No. Sorry. I’m Bard.” _I guess he really doesn’t remember_.

“Bard?” The name was not familiar to Thranduil.

“I am, or was, your boss.” Bard explained. “You worked for me in my department.”

“Oh.” Thranduil visibly grimaced as he stretched to pick up the notebook and pen that were beside him on the bed so he could make a note. 

“Nice notebook,” was the only thing Bard could think of to say.

“You like it? It has different colored tabs so I can keep track of who tells me what.”

“Tells you what about what?”

“About anything that happened in the months I can’t remember. I write it down so I don’t forget again. I highlight anything that’s important.” Thranduil did not highlight Bard’s name.

“Are you having trouble creating new memories?”

“Sometimes I’ll do something but not remember doing it. There are a few things I wrote down that I didn’t remember writing when I looked at the notebook later.” 

“I see.” After a heartbeat where he tried to think of something sympathetic to say Bard remembered he brought a gift. From out of his jacket pocket he took a small, green bottle, “I have something for you.”

“What is it?” Thranduil took the bottle.

“Bubbles.”

“Bubbles? Like the kind the kids blow?”

“Yeah.”

“Why are you bringing me bubbles?” Thranduil took the wand from the soap and puffed some air into the larger hoop. It didn’t work.

“I thought you’d be bored.”

“So, you brought me bubbles?”

“Yeah, they’re fun. Everybody likes bubbles. And blowing bubbles isn’t that physically demanding in case you’re having trouble getting around which I assumed you would be having, trouble getting around that is, after your accident.” Bard was babbling and he knew it so he shut up before it could get worse.

It took a few tries but finally Thranduil found the right amount of air to puff into the wand. “This is kind of fun.”

“I knew you’d like them.” For a few silent minutes Bard watched Thranduil blow bubbles around the room then he said, “Anyway, I just came to see how you were doing.”

“I won’t be back to work any time soon.”

“I know. That’s okay. I kept your desk just the way you left it.” Bard worked Thranduil’s accounts himself even though he’d been told to hire a replacement. 

“What, like a shrine? I am still alive, you know.”

“Yes, I know.” 

“So, why are you here then? None of my co-workers came to see me.”

If he said that the office personnel weren’t a close-knit group Bard wouldn’t be lying; they came in, worked, went home, nothing more as far as he knew. The only one Thranduil was close to was him. “You were kind of like my assistant. You put formulas in the spreadsheets to make it easier for reporting.” What he wanted to say was, ‘_I miss you_’ and ‘_I wanted to make sure you didn’t tell your father about our _affair’ but he kept quiet.

“I’m having surgery in a week or so to repair the damage to my face.” Thranduil touched the bandages covering the left side of his face and neck when he saw Bard staring at him.

Bard tried to look anywhere but at Thranduil’s face, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”

“Everybody does it.” Thranduil would’ve shrugged if it didn’t hurt so much.

“Still, it was rude of me.”

Thranduil stroked his bandaged again, “They tell me I look pretty bad which must be true because they won’t let me see.”

A wave of guilt washed over Bard, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“That night, the night of your accident, you had stayed after work for a while. If you had left on time…”

“No. Don’t do that, okay? It happened. There’s no way to change it.”

“Still, if I hadn’t…”

“Are you here out of guilt? Is that why you came, to assuage your feelings? If that’s the case you can go. I forgive you.”

“No,” Bard said quickly, “no. I wanted to see you. You’re important to me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I swear.”

“Then do me a favor.”

“Anything. Just name it.”

“Take down the shrine.”

“I will.” But would he? Bard doubted it.

“Good.”

They seemed to run out of things to say to each other after that exchange so Bard said good-bye. He didn’t promise to visit again.

A few days later Thranduil was shipped off to a physical rehabilitation facility.


	2. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil comes home after being gone for a year. Things have changed but not for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the chapter it is implied that Thranduil will make a suicide attempt. Please don't read if this will trigger you.

**Twelve months after the accident. Thranduil has had his plastic surgery. His six-month stint at the rehab center is over:**

“Welcome home, son,” Oropher did not give a hug or even a handshake to his son as he entered the main hall of the house.

The only thing Thranduil wanted to do was see his son. He’d been away far too long. He was afraid he’d missed out on a lot.

He wasn’t wrong.

In the sunroom Glorfindel was playing with Legolas, plastic, building blocks on the floor all around them. As he went further into the room Thranduil noticed that there were pictures of himself on almost every surface. When Legolas spotted a new person in the room he toddled to Glorfindel, “It’s okay. Your ada is here to see you.” To Thranduil, Glorfindel said, “I show him the pictures of you and tell him you’re his ada but I’m not sure he understands. Maybe it’s the bandages on your face that are scaring him.”

Thranduil approached holding out his arms to his son. “He was just a baby now he’s walking and talking.” It broke Thranduil’s heart to have missed so much.

Legolas held his arms up to Glorindel as if seeking protection. “No!” he shouted back over his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Legolas. Ada wants to play with you. Say ‘hi’ to Ada.”

Another shouted, “No!” made Thranduil draw back.

“Don’t be discouraged. He just needs a little time. You’ll see, when the bandages come off he’ll be just fine.”

“I’m going to lie down.” Thranduil turned his back on the happy reunion he thought he’d have with his son.

**

**A few days later: **

The house was quiet as Thranduil wandered from room to room. It was the house he’d grown up in, but it meant little to him. He’d had his own place before the accident, sure it was over his parent’s garage, but it had been his; his and Legolas’s. He wanted to go back to his little apartment, but he couldn’t, not until Legolas accepted him again. Going back without his son was out of the question. Legolas would never remember him then. The child would always think of Glorfindel as his ada. But maybe that was the problem, too much Glorfindel. He _would_ move back to the garage and take his son with him. 

Unfortunately, his plan for independence had little support. It was too soon Oropher said; it would be traumatic for the baby. There were some concerns about his memory; what would happen if he forgot something necessary for Legolas? Thranduil didn’t believe any of those things, but he had no choice but to bide his time and try to come up with another plan.

***

**The next day:**

Out in the parking lot at work, leaning against the side of his car despite the fact it needed washed and his suit jacket would probably get dirty, Bard dialed Thranduil’s number. It was a whim, he didn’t really expect the younger man to answer.

Lounging in the sunroom debating whether or not being surrounded by pictures of himself was creepy Thranduil started when his phone rang, “Hello?”

“Hi.”

There was a brief pause where Thranduil expected the caller to either introduce himself or say they’d reached a wrong number and hang up. The caller did neither. “Who is this?”

“Sorry, it’s Bard.” 

“Bard?” 

“From work. I was your boss.”

“Oh, right.” But Thranduil didn’t really remember Bard. “What can I do for you?”

“You don’t remember me?” Bard was disappointed but he realized he could’ve done more to stay in touch. It just never seemed to be the right time. Or maybe he was still afraid. He wasn’t sure.

“Sometimes I have trouble recalling things.”

“You told me.”

“Did I?”

“When I visited you in the hospital.”

The hospital, not rehab. Six months ago, “Let me check my notebook.” Thranduil picked up the ever-present notebook next to him to search for Bard’s name.

Bard waited, listened as Thranduil flipped through pages of his book.

“Okay. Right. You visited me before my surgery.”

“How did that go?”

“It must’ve gone very well, they tell me I’m beautiful again. I haven’t seen yet. I’m still healing and covered in bandages. They say you won’t be able to see any scars on my _face_ unless you look very closely.”

Had there been, were there still, scars on other parts of Thranduil’s body? Is that why he emphasized the word ‘face’? “That’s good. But I can tell something is wrong. Wanna talk about it?”

Why not? Nobody else seemed to want to listen, “You know I have a son, right?”

“Yes.” Bard opened the door and climbed in the car to sit and listen if Thranduil was going to talk.

No longer content to lounge Thranduil got up and began pacing the room, “They won’t give him back to me.”

“Who won’t?”

“My father, Glorfindel, everyone.”

“Why not?”

“They say it would be bad for Legolas and Glorfindel. They’ve bonded and my father is worried that I have some memory lapses. He thinks I’ll forget something important and Legolas will suffer for it.”

“Why would it be bad for Glorfindel?”

“We’ve been friends for a long time. We went to primary and secondary school together. Afterwards I went to university while he joined the army. He saw some action and it affected him. When he came home he wasn’t the same; traumatic stress they said. Then Legolas came and Glorfindel calmed down a lot. He took some classes, got a job, straightened himself out really.”

“Is your father afraid he’ll go back to his old ways if he spends less time with your son?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, but that doesn’t make any sense to me. You were Legolas’s primary care giver before the accident. How much time did Glorfindel spend with him then?”

“He’s always here with us.”

“Then why would Glorfindel go back to his wicked ways if things went back to the way they were?”

“That’s what I want to know too, but nobody will explain it to me.”

“Have you tried talking to Glorfindel about it?”

“He was there when I was talking to my father.”

“Get him on his own then, find out how he feels.”

“He has been telling Legolas that I’m his Ada. He keeps pictures of me everywhere.”

“Then he should be more supportive. Talk to him on his own. Ask him to talk to your father.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

“I wish you could come over when it all goes down.”

“I wish I could too.”

“Why can’t you?”

“What, come over?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think your father would approve.” Bard would be there in a heartbeat if he wasn’t sure he’d be fired on the spot. He needed his job for the benefits it provided for his children. Losing his job was out of the question.

“What has he to do with it?”

_How much should I tell him? If I told him everything would he tell his father?_ _It’s too soon._ “I’m kind of afraid of him,” Bard confessed.

“Haha, you and me both.”

“Let me know how it goes though.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I will.”

“We’ll talk soon then, yeah?”

“Yeah. And thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Bard rang off. The conversation wasn’t what he had expected but it was something; it was a start.

**

But it didn’t go so well for Thranduil. Oropher held firm in his decision to wait until the doctors could confirm Thranduil’s memory gaps were temporary or permanent. 

**

“We all miss you at work,” seemed a safe, easy enough way to start off, a few days later when Bard called Thranduil for the second time.

“Oh,” Thranduil said, “we’re not friends then? I mean, you told me you were my boss but I thought we were friends too, that’s why you were calling. I’m sorry I rambled on the other day then, I mean, I didn’t mean to talk your ear off.” Thranduil sighed, “There’s nobody here to talk to.” He was in his bedroom in his ada’s house, lying on the bed trying to take a nap but failing.

Bard was in his office with the door closed, “Please don’t apologize. You can talk to me about anything. We did have a very _close_ relationship at one time.”

Thranduil sat up, was there something Bard was trying to insinuate? “How close?”

_Where do I draw the line? Is he ready to know?_ “Close.”

“What does that mean?”

The feeling of being trapped came over Bard. _I should’ve kept my mouth shut. But how can I? My heart aches._ But he kept it safe and simple. He said, “I used to give you advice about Legolas. I have three kids of my own, you know. We got to know each other pretty well during the time you worked for me.”

“Oh.” Thranduil frowned at the phone; he wished he could remember.

“How did it go with Glorfindel? Did he say he’d talk to your father for you?”

“I talked to Fin and he talked to Ada but nothing has changed.”

“I don’t understand. Could Oropher really stop you if you moved all of you son’s stuff back to the apartment and took him? He is _your_ son.”

“You think it would be that easy, don’t you? It should be that easy. I think I can’t do that because I’m afraid of what Ada would do if I went against him.”

“What do you think he would do?”

“Take Legolas from me permanently.”

“How could he do that?”

“He’d find a way. He’d have me committed or something; say I’m a danger to my son because sometimes I have memory lapses.”

Being ruthless in business was one thing but Bard didn’t think Oropher would go that far, “Where is Legolas now?”

“Everyone is at work so Legolas is at daycare.”

“Then how about suggesting a nanny for him. That way Legolas could spend more time with you since you’re home all day and the nanny would be there kind of like a supervisor but she or he wouldn’t get involved unless absolutely necessary.”

“When he first came we thought about getting a nanny for him but I wanted him to be more socialized, play with other kids, learn to share, that kind of thing. But I’ll tell Ada that’s what I want to do tonight. We can always send Legolas back to daycare once he gets to know me again.”

“Good for you.”

“But what if…”

“No, stop that. He’s your son. Don’t take no for an answer. Stand up for yourself, be strong. You survived that horrible wreck so you’re a fighter. Don’t back down. You can do it.”

“Are you sure you can’t come over to support me?”

“I wish I could.”

“I know, you’re afraid of Ada too.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Me too,” Thranduil felt a sense of loss but couldn’t really explain why. Bard was just his boss calling to talk because they’d had a close relationship at work. Right?

“There is one thing I would recommend.”

“What?”

“Talk to your father alone.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

“Call me if you need me, okay?”

“I will.”

“You can call me for other things too if you want to.”

“Like what?”

“Anything. If you want to talk about anything I’ll be here to listen.”

“Thanks.”

“Okay. Good luck. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Thranduil disconnected the call. He was very excited about Bard’s idea and couldn’t wait until his ada got home. He was sure the plan would be a success.

**

Bard hadn’t told Thranduil to not tell Glorfindel about the latest plan to get Legolas back so Thranduil approached him first. Glorfindel thought it was the perfect thing to do but he agreed that Thranduil should speak to his ada alone.

The door to the study was open which was a good sign. If Oropher was in a ‘mood’ the door would most certainly be closed. “Ada,” Thranduil said as he entered the room, “can we talk?”

Oropher sighed as he put his phone down on the desk, “Is this about Legolas again?”

“Yes.”

“The doctors…”

“I know about the doctors. But this is different. I want to hire a nanny for Legolas instead of sending him to daycare.”

“A nanny? We decided against that.”

“That was _before_ but if we hire a nanny _now_ Legolas can stay home with me all day, get to know me again. The nanny would act if something went wrong or if there was something I was forgetting. Once Legolas gets used to me again he can go back to daycare when I go back to work.”

For a few seconds Thranduil held his breath waiting for the ‘no’ that was sure to come but Oropher said, “That’s not a bad idea. I’ve already paid for next month so it would have to wait a bit. But in that time we can find the perfect nanny for him.”

“Thank you, Ada.” Thranduil wanted to be excited but knew his ada could change his mind at any time. 

“Did you come up with that on your own?”

“A friend recommended it.”

“Which friend?”

_Why am I hesitant to say it was Bard_? “Does it matter?”

“I guess not. I’ll have my secretary arrange meetings with some agencies.”

“Thank you, Ada.”

**

Glorfindel declared it a victory but having to wait another thirty days was torture for Thranduil. Weekends were the most painful. Every time Thranduil attempted to get close to Legolas the baby would run away or throw a tantrum until another adult in the house picked him up. Even with the bandages off his son wanted nothing to do with him. After on particularly dramatic tantrum he sought peace in his apartment above the garage. Finding nothing there to calm him down he decided to call Bard. “Can you come get me?”

Bard was home making his lunch when his phone rang. In that one question he could hear the pain in Thranduil’s voice but he had to be careful. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Why not? I have to get out of here. I’m going crazy.” Thranduil took a deep breath to calm down, “I’m sorry. You must be busy. I didn’t mean to bother you on a Saturday.”

The last thing Bard wanted was for Thranduil to think he wasn’t important, “I’m not busy. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“It’s my ada, right?”

“He told me once not to get involved with you. I took it to mean that it would be bad for my career.”

“’Involved’ with me? Were we ‘involved’? Is that why you call me?”

So many things raced through Bard’s mind; _make an excuse to hang up, lie, be vague_. He decided to finally tell the truth, “We were involved, yes.”

“As in…?”

“We were lovers?”

“Ada didn’t know, did he?”

“No.”

“But he thought maybe something was going on. That’s why he warned you off me.”

“You worked late a lot.”

“Where did we meet?”

“Usually my office. One time around my birthday we went to a motel.”

“We had sex in your office.”

“Yes.”

“How long?”

“Not long, a couple of times a week for about four months.”

“Did anybody know?”

“No.”

“Did we have sex the night of my accident? I know it happened about half an hour after the day would have ended.”

“We were going to but…”

“But what?”

“We had a disagreement and you left.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re calling me out of guilt, aren’t you? We had a fight, I stormed out, because that’s something I would have done, then was almost killed in an accident.”

“Do I feel guilty that you got hurt, yes. But I also feel guilty because I didn’t tell you how I really felt about you that night. I should’ve told you that I loved you too.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I was stupid and afraid.”

“Afraid of what? Wait, let me guess, you were afraid of my father finding out about us.”

“I can’t lose my job.”

“Of course you can’t. So, you chose it over me.”

“I have kids to support. I need the benefits for them. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t really care about me. You’re just like everyone else.” Thranduil ended the call. His life was a mess. Nothing made sense; his son, his boss, his friends, his home. He hadn’t told his father or anyone else about Bard’s calls and now he knew why. But since he didn’t remember the affair keeping the calls a secret didn’t make sense. The more he thought about it the more confused he got until he just couldn’t take it anymore. 

Nobody saw him slip back into the house, enter his parent’s bathroom and shut the door.


	3. Options

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil is in the hospital again. Bard visits but starts to think it's pointless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted this story to be longer :(

**Monday morning:**

Oropher threw open the door to Bard’s office, tossed Thranduil’s notebook on the desk and shouted, “Look at the last entry!”

Bard recovered quickly from the suddenness of Orohper’s bursting into his office. He picked up the book, flipped to the last page and read, ‘Bard, me, lovers, 4 months! Fight! Guilt!!’

“Don’t try to deny it. You’ve been calling him. I’ve seen the call history. I told you not to get involved with my son.”

“I didn’t plan it. It just happened.” Bard scrubbed his face with his hands, “You’re warning came too late anyway.”

“He’s in Mountainside Psychiatric Hospital. His mother found him sitting on the floor in our bathroom with several bottles of pills in his hands. She had to wrestle the bottles from him. If she hadn’t gone up…” Oropher paused to collect himself. “He wants to see you. I don’t think it’s a good idea but it seems like I’ve made a lot of bad decisions when it comes to my son.”

**Bard visits Thranduil in the hospital after his failed suicide attempt:**

“Who was I when I was with you?” Thranduil begged, tears falling from his. He was dressed in a standard issue hospital gown, lying in the bed calmly until Bard walked in.

_How could someone possibly answer that question_? Bard was sure there wasn’t a correct answer. “That hardly matters now.”

“I need to know.” But did he? Thranduil would probably never remember their time together. All he knew of their relationship was what he had written down in his notebook.

_How can I not answer_? Bard sighed, refusing to sit he paced the room, nervous, maybe a little afraid of what to say to someone who just tried to commit suicide; he’d never known anyone who tried that before. “You loved your job. You were the best in the department.”

“What about our personal relationship?” Thranduil didn’t care about his job. He wanted to know what _he_ was like as a person, outside of work for those few months. Had he been happy? Had _they_ been happy together?

“We had sex. You would stay late and we’d have sex in my office. There was nothing romantic about it. It was just sex.”

“Did you love me?” to Thranduil, by the way he described it, he didn’t think Bard had.

But Bard surprised Thranduil with his response, “I did. I loved, I love you.” The time and distance had not diminished the feelings Bard had in his heart.

“I don’t remember. Did I love you?”

“You said you did.”

“My father has my notebook but I remember you saying we had a fight. Is that what we fought about that night, me saying I loved you?”

“Yes.”

“And you said you didn’t.” It was a guess Thranduil hoped wasn’t true.

“I never said I didn’t love you. I wanted to talk about it first. I was afraid of losing my job if Oropher found out. I wanted.” Bard shrugged, “I don’t know what I wanted.”

“I don’t remember.” 

“I should go.” Bard felt that he had already said too much. He needed to escape, breathe fresh air, get away from Thranduil’s sad eyes.

“Why because I finally know the truth? Child services got the court to give custody of Legolas to my parents. They say I can’t have him back until I’m cleared by the psychiatrist then I have to go to court. For now I’m not supposed to see him without someone else in the room to supervise the visit. Can you believe that?”

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing Bard could think of to say.

“Fin was here yesterday.” Thranduil changed the subject; it was easier than talking about his son. “We were watching television. A commercial for some motorcycle came on. I said that I would like to try riding one. He said, ‘the old Thranduil would never go on a motorcycle’. Am I that different? It’s only those six months and some random things since I don’t remember. I couldn’t have changed that much, could I?”

“I don’t know. To me you have always been a caring, loving father who only wanted what was best for his son. You have a very quick wit and a wonderful sense of humor. You’re intelligent, resourceful, and I loved you. From the moment I saw you I knew I was in trouble.”

“What would you have said about the motorcycle thing?”

“I would’ve said, if you want to go for a ride on a motorcycle, I’d get mine out of the garage, dust it off, fuel it up and come get you.”

“You have a motorcycle?”

Finally, the mood had lightened a little. “I do. I don’t believe you knew that though.”

“Tell me something personal.”

“I used to take my wife out on my motorcycle, before the kids, before the divorce.”

“Painful memories?” The irony of the question struck both men.

“I wouldn’t say that. We had some great times. When the children came along our priorities changed.”

“Does it still work?”

“Yeah, I start it every once in a while, to keep it running.”

“But you don’t ride it?”

“There never seems to be any time.”

“You’d make time for me.”

“I would do almost anything for you”, Bard confessed. “And it would be fun. I think you’d like it.”

“Where would we go?”

“Anyplace you’d like. We could go someplace neither of us have ever been before.”

“I’d like that.”

“Name the day and I’ll be here.”

But there was no day either man could think of. Thranduil had no idea when he’d be released from the hospital.

“Someday then,” Bard finally said after a few uncomfortable seconds, “when you’re ready.”

The tears flowed silently from Thranduil’s eyes. His life was a mess. The court had taken his son away. The accident wiped out a year of his life. He’d never fulfill his father’s expectations, even though he never really wanted to, and he was having a secret affair with his boss. The pills had been so easy to get. His parents never expected him to do anything so drastic. But they didn’t understand. Nobody could.

***

**A couple of weeks later:**

In the hospital time slowed to a crawl. Glorfindel visited once. He found out his mother wouldn’t come because she couldn’t stand to see him in a ‘place like that’. Oropher visited every day but they usually wound up arguing about nothing. Bard was never mentioned between them. At least he had his notebook back. There was a telephone number above Bard’s name so he decided to call it. The call was answered by a little girl. “I’m sorry. I must have the wrong number.”

“Wait! Are you looking for my da?” she asked.

“Bard. I’m looking for Bard.”

“Just a minute.” She held the phone away from her, “Da! Phone!”

After a few more seconds Thranduil heard the familiar voice, “Hello?”

“Bard?”

“Thranduil? Is everything okay?”

“You don’t visit me or call anymore.” For a moment Thranduil thought the call had ended. “Bard?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Will you come visit me?”

_What’s the point? Our relationship will never be what it was, what it could’ve been._ “It’s hard.”

“What is?”

“You’re not remembering us.”

“It’s hard for you? How do you think it is for me? I have no memories from six months before the accident!” Thranduil shouted into the phone, “I may never remember! You told me you love me! So where are you? No, I don’t remember you. I don’t even remember me. And you say it’s hard for _you_?”

“I’m so sorry.” Bard felt so small and stupid. How could he have been behaving so badly, “That’s very selfish of me.”

Thranduil apologized in return, “No, I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated being stuck here. I didn’t mean to lay it all on you. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. It’s just that I miss you. You listen to me. My friends act like nothing happened, that everything is the same, but everything has changed. Nobody understands.”

As much as he didn’t want to apologize again Bard said, “I’m sorry.”

“Will you come?” Thranduil tried to lighten the mood, “Maybe you can break me out of here.”

“I would love to if I thought your father wouldn’t have me arrested.”

Thranduil chuckled, “I could see him doing that.”

“Me too.”

“I got the bandages off my face. They were right, I’m beautiful again.”

“You were always beautiful to me.”

Uncomfortable with talk of his beauty Thranduil changed the subject, something he was becoming very good at, “Who was that who answered the phone?”

“My younger daughter, Tilda. My phone was on the kitchen counter charging.”

“I thought I had the wrong number.”

“She’s not supposed to answer the phone. She’s supposed to come get me.”

“Naughty girl.”

“Mischievous, nosy, is more like it.”

In the background Thranduil could hear the girl laugh.

“Well, listen” Bard continued, “it’s my weekend with the kids. Tilda is giving me her sad, puppy face because she wants to go to the park. Can I call you tomorrow? Or better yet, I’ll come see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Have fun at the park.”

“Thanks.” Bard ended the call. He was not going to let Thranduil down. They had loved each other once, even though Bard had never said the words. He would make things right this time.

***

Sitting in a chair in the executive office was not something Bard was used to. Meetings usually took place in the conference room but he had to speak to Oropher alone. If what he had to say meant his job then so be it. He was ready to make that sacrifice. Oropher however, was on the phone when Bard got called into the office and was still on the phone ten minutes later. He was doing it intentionally, Bard understood that. Thranduil’s father wanted to make him sweat a bit first before listening to what he had to say. Bard just sat there, trying not to watch the clock on the wall high above Oropher’s head.

When the phone was finally put back in its cradle Oropher asked, “What can I do for you?”

If Bard didn’t know better he’d think they were about to have a nice friendly sales talk. He took a deep breath to steel his nerves, “I want to let you know that I’ll be…” What? Courting? Dating? Seeing?

“Yes?” Oropher prodded.

“Thranduil and I will be seeing each other. He wants to go for a ride on my motorcycle.”

“Does he now?”

“Yes.”

“And if I asked you not to see him?”

“Why would you do that?”

“To keep him sane. To keep him safe.”

“I’m not the one…”

“One what? The one that drove him to try to attempt suicide? His note about you was the last entry in his notebook.” When Bard had no response Oropher went on, “Tell me why I should let you back into my son’s life.”

“Because I love him.”

“You love him,” Oropher scoffed. “You hardly know him. You want him because he’s beautiful. It’s only lust you feel.”

Bard echoed Thranduil’s words spoken so long ago, “I know my own heart.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“He needs me.”

“Why?”

“I understand him. He talks to me. He doesn’t feel like he can talk to anybody else. He says nobody listens to him.”

“He has a therapist. They’re paid to listen.”

“He’s not happy.”

“His happiness doesn’t have to concern you.”

“But it does.”

“Why? Because you feel guilty he had an accident after your fight? You think you can make it up to him?”

“We had a fight that night because he said he loved me and I didn’t say it back. I was too afraid of losing my job.”

“You’re not afraid now?”

“Terrified.”

“But you’re willing to risk everything for him?”

“Yes.”

“What stopped you before?”

It was a valid question. “You.”

“I’ve known you for a long time. You’re a good man. If you’re risking everything because you feel guilty then I’d rather you not see my son. If you’re doing it because you believe your feelings for him are genuine then you have my blessing.”

“I love him.”

“But does he love you? He would’ve even remember your name if he hadn’t written it down in his notebook the first day you visited him in the hospital, if you hadn’t kept calling him.”

“I know.”

“Was it you who suggested we get Legolas a nanny?”

“Yes.”

“He was so happy when I agreed though he tried his best not to show it. I haven’t seen him happy since the accident. He certainly was happy those few months before it.”

“I’d make him happy again.”

“What if he decides you’re not what he wants after all?”

“Then I’ll deal with it when or if that happens. But it would be his decision and nobody else’s.”

“If you hurt him…” Oropher warned.

“Never. Never again.” It was a promise Bard meant to keep.

“Alright. I give you permission to see my son.”

Bard said a polite, “Thank you,” then said what he really wanted to say, what he’d been feeling and thinking, “but I was going to see Thranduil with or without it. I respect you as my boss and his father but I wasn’t looking for your permission. I just didn’t want to sneak around anymore.”

“Good for you!” Oropher shouted as he stood up. “Finally, somebody with balls enough to stand up to me! I’m so proud of you Bard! It sure took you long enough.”

“Uh, thank you?”

“Still, you better make my son happy…”

“I will. Thank you.”

Oropher came around the desk and shook Bard’s hand all the way to the door. When it closed behind him Bard was so relieved, he thought he would cry.

***

Only another week went by until Thranduil was able to leave the hospital. The next sunny Saturday Bard picked the younger man up on his motorcycle. Thranduil held on tight to Bard’s waist as the machine roared out of the driveway. It didn’t take long for Bard to pull off the highway to their final destination.

“I’m still vibrating,” Thranduil said as he removed his helmet shaking out his hair to free where it had matted down.

“It’ll wear off,” Bard took the helmet out of Thranduil’s hands to put in the saddle bag on the side of the motorcycle. His own got hung on the handlebars by the strap.

They hadn’t ridden for long but Thranduil didn’t recognize the place, “Where are we?”

“It’s called Long Lake.”

“By Laketown?”

“That’s right.”

“I came here once or twice when I was a kid. But I haven’t been here in a long time.”

There was a time when Long Lake had had a bad reputation; it was where drug dealers made their money, but it had been cleaned up in recent years. “I haven’t been here in ages either. They’ve been remodeling the place; look how it’s built up. There’s rides and arcades now.” 

From the parking area it was hard to see what Bard was so excited about. Sure there were brightly painted arcades and the sound of, Thranduil thought, a roller coaster but it sounded more like a place for kids. Not wanting to spoil Bard’s enthusiasm Thranduil said, “Let’s go have a look around.”

“Great. Where do you want to go first?”

“Can we get something to eat? I’m starving. I skipped breakfast.”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

After he stepped off gravel parking lot and onto the wooden boardwalk Thranduil got more of that beachy feeling. They walked past the food stalls without stopping. When the last stall was behind them Bard said, “I thought you were hungry.”

“I am. Everything smells so good. I can’t decide what to have.”

“I’m going for the sausage and peppers.”

“That sounds good.”

“I’ll get two of them.”

“No, wait, maybe the crab cakes or a lobster roll.”

“Okay, one of each then.”

“No, maybe the fish and chips.”

“Are you sure this time?”

“Can we take another walk past the stalls?”

“Sure.”

After several more walks past the food stalls Bard got his sausage and peppers and Thranduil got his fish and chips, crab cakes and a lobster roll. They sat across from each other on a wooden picnic table with a unobscured view of the water.

“Are you really going to eat all that?” Bard asked as Thranduil cut up a piece of fish.

After he popped the piece of fish into his mouth Thranduil said, “I told you I was hungry.”

“Where are you going to put it all? You’re so thin.”

“You’d be surprised how much I can eat.” Thranduil bit the lobster roll in half.

“It must be great to be young.”

“I don’t feel young.” Thranduil put the rest of the lobster roll down.

“You are. You’ve been through a lot but the worst of it is over.”

“Is it?”

“It is.” At least Bard hoped so for Thranduil’s sake.

Thranduil pushed his plate away, “Let’s go for a walk.”

“Sure.” They threw their half-eaten lunches into a trash can on the way to the boardwalk.

They slipped off their shoes and socks for a walk on the beach. Thranduil led them to a section away from where the swimmers and sunbathers were gathered. He turned to face Bard, “Do you want to go someplace and have sex with me?”


	4. Glimpse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens at the beach and what happens after....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of dialogue....

“Pardon?”

Thranduil sighed and sat on the sand so Bard sat next to him.

When Bard was settled Thranduil straddled him where he sat, the soft sand cool under his knees, “You heard me.” He leaned in for a kiss but Bard let his upper body drop to the sand. “Come on. You love me, right? I need this. I want you.”

“This is only our first date.” Bard put his hands on Thranduil’s upper arms to hold him away or to keep him from running away, Bard wasn’t sure.

“How many dates did we go on before you fucked me in your office?”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Don’t you want me anymore?” Thranduil gave his best pout.

“Of course I want you.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I want you to take your time and not do something you might regret later.”

Thranduil had been slowly leaning over. Even with Bard’s hands trying to hold him back, he got his kiss. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Bard was in trouble; another kiss like the last one and he’d throw Thranduil over his shoulder and run to the nearest motel. “I just want…”

“What?” Thranduil sat up straight, “For me to love you first?”

“Are we going to have a fight about this?”

“Not if you kiss me again.”

“I want you to be sure it’s _me_ you want.”

“I’m here with you, aren’t I? There’s nobody else I want to be here with. Tell me you don’t want me.” When Bard loosened the grip he had on Thranduil’s upper arms Thranduil had his answer. But when Bard went to slide his hand under Thranduil’s t-shirt the young man pulled back, “No, don’t!”

“I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine. It’s…I mean, I’m…I’ve got…I’m not beautiful anymore.”

“I don’t understand. You look exactly the same to me.”

“Not under my shirt though.”

“You have injuries from the accident?”

“Scars, yeah.”

“Let me see.”

“No. Never mind. I don’t want to have sex anymore. Can we go?”

“Thranduil…”

“Please.”

“Okay.”

When the motorcycle didn’t go down a long, cobblestone, tree-lined driveway but stopped on a short, paved pad only big enough for two cars Thranduil flipped up the facemask on his helmet to ask, “Where are we now? I wanted to go home.”

“We are home,” Bard said disentangling himself from the grip Thranduil had on him. “My home.”

“Why are we here?”

“Come inside.”

“Bard, please take me home.”

“Trust me. I won’t hurt you. Come inside.”

Thranduil knew or guessed what it was Bard had in mind. He removed his helmet and followed Bard into the house. Bard was not in the front room, “Where are you?”

“Back here.”

Thranduil followed the sound of Bard’s voice through the small house. He found Bard in a small room at the back of the house, “Bard, what are you doing?”

“I’m sitting. Come sit with me.”

“Why?

“Because you can’t see the TV from there.”

“Funny,” but Thranduil sat next to Bard on the small sofa. “Don’t try anything,” he warned, half joking.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Bard replied with a wink and a smile. “What’s your favorite movie?”

“Oh, ummm, that’s a hard one. I like all different kinds of films.”

“Narrow it down then. What’s your favorite action movie?”

“Die Hard.” Thranduil replied without missing a beat.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Bruce Willis is so sexy. Don’t you think?”

“If you like that type. I prefer tall, thin, blonds myself. Wait, are you saying that you’re only with me because I remind you of Bruce Willis?”

“Ha! You’re so funny.”

“Uh-huh. Okay. Die Hard it is.” Bard rented the movie from the cable service. But he and Thranduil missed most of it. By the time John MacLean had blown up half the building Bard had Thranduil pinned under him on the sofa panting, squirming and moaning his name.

When Bard popped open the button on Thranduil’s jeans the younger man stilled, “Relax. Breathe.”

“Bard…”

“Do you want to stop?”

“No…keep going. Don’t stop.”

Without a word in response Bard pulled down the zipper of Thranduil’s jeans, reaching in to free his long, thin cock.

“Yes, yes, Bard, please, yes.”

As much as Bard wanted to take his time he found it difficult with Thranduil moaning out his pleasure. He swallowed the hard cock down as far as he could, then licked his way back up again. The movements repeated faster and faster until Thranduil warned him of his imminent release.

“Fuck, yes, oh fuck,” Thranduil cried as he came and Bard sucked him harder through his release.

After he licked Thranduil, who was laying still on the sofa, clean Bard asked, “Are you okay?”

Still unable to move Thranduil said, “That was amazing.”

“Are you sorry now that you didn’t go home?”

“Are you always so funny?”

“Always.”

“Oh, did you come? Need my help?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“Bard.”

“Seriously, this was about you.”

“What if I’m said I’m tired of everything being about me? Lately, that’s all everything seems to be.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please stop apologizing. Not everything is your fault.”

“What can I do?”

“Take me to your bedroom.”

“Are you sure?”

“Before I change my mind.”

“Thranduil.”

“Are we going to fight about this?”

“Say the word, anytime, and I’ll stop.”

Instead of waiting for Bard to lead the way Thranduil got up off the sofa, his jeans still open but at least he’d tucked his cock back into his pants, “Is it this way?”

“First door on the left.” Bard let the younger man go ahead of him and had to chuckle when he heard Thranduil say, ‘It’s smaller than I thought it would be’.

“I only use it for sleeping. How big does it have to be?” Bard had reached the doorway to find Thranduil standing at the end of the bed taking his jeans off. “Need help with that?”

Thranduil stopped the little jig he was doing to get his foot out of the leg of his jeans, “I’m okay but you can start removing your own clothes.”

“As your majesty commands,” Bard bowed while at the same time undoing the button and zipper on his own jeans. 

“I’m leaving my shirt on.”

While very curious to see what Thranduil looked like under his shirt Bard was willing to wait until the younger man was ready to show him, “Okay.” Bard tugged his shirt over his head. He tossed it into the laundry hamper by the closet door. “Come here.”

This kiss was just as passionate as the ones that had Thranduil moaning Bard’s name of the sofa. Bard shifted his hips forward to press Thranduil against the end of the bed. When he let the pressure up Thranduil scrambled backwards onto the bed. Bard followed but before laying down to continue their kissing he leaned over to get the lube and condom out of the bedside table. 

If he was to describe what happened next to somebody, which he never would, Thranduil would’ve said that Bard began to open him agonizingly slowly. “What do I have to do, find an error on a spreadsheet to get you to hurry up?”

Bard stopped what he was doing instantly, “What?”

“I think you heard me.”

“Why did you say that?” Bard pulled back to sit up, straddling Thranduil’s thighs.

“I don’t know. Come on, don’t stop. I’m ready. Fuck me.” Thranduil made a grab for Bard but met resistance from the older man.

“Did you remember something?”

“I’m losing my erection.”

“Tell me why you said that.”

“I don’t know. I just popped into my head. What’s the problem?”

“The first time we were together it was just after you had found and corrected a problem in the quarterly sales report spreadsheet for me.”

In his mind Thranduil searched for the memory, “I worked late.”

“Yes.”

“The error was in the sales column.”

“Yes.”

“You kissed me.”

“Yes.”

“I sucked you off.”

“Yes. You remember!” In an attempt to rekindle what they had started Bard kissed the younger man.

Thranduil was too happy to be so physical at that moment; he pushed Bard away, “I remember!”

“Do you remember anything else?”

Try as he might Thranduil couldn’t remember anything past that point. “I must’ve gone home afterwards but that’s not a memory just something I would’ve done.”

“Right.”

“Do you remember the next time we were together?”

“No, nothing else. Maybe if you kissed me again I might remember something.” But Thranduil’s heart wasn’t really into it anymore. Bard’s kiss was nice but didn’t have the same intensity. He could feel a headache coming on, “Can you take me home?”

An apology was on the tip of his tongue, but Bard remembered Thranduil didn’t want to hear that anymore. Bard climbed off the bed to get dressed, “Sure. Can I see you again tomorrow?”

The sudden memory had Thranduil’s head spinning, he stood on wobbly legs and had to brace himself on the side of the bed.

“Sit, sit. I’ll get you a glass of water.” When Bard got back Thranduil was sitting on the floor his back to the wall, “Are you okay?”

“My head…” Thranduil had his hands on his head. He had the worst headache, was too dizzy to stand and was visibly shaking.

“I’ll call an ambulance.”

***

The emergency room doors swished open letting Oropher rush in, “Where is he?”

“I’m not family, they won’t tell me.” Bard was so afraid Oropher would ask him to leave before he learned Thranduil’s condition.

“What happened?”

“He remembered something then got a bad headache. He couldn’t stand up. He was trembling. I called for an ambulance right away.”

“What did he remember?”

“Something that happened at work.”

Knowing better than to ask for specifics Oropher went to the nurse’s station to inquire after his son. 

Bard wasn’t sure if he should stay or go but a few minutes later, when the inside security door opened, he got his answer. “Thranduil!” Bard ran over to the younger man who still looked a little shaky, “Shouldn’t you be in bed? Did you see your father? He went in to find you.”

“I want to go home.”

“Let me call your father.” Bard steered Thranduil to sit in a waiting area chair. As quickly as he could Bard called Oropher’s cell and explained what had occurred. 

It didn’t take long for Oropher to appear in the waiting room. “Just where do you think you’re going?”

“I want to go home. I hate hospitals. I’m sick of them.”

“Thranduil, you need to see a doctor, have an MRI or a CT Scan, something to determine what happened.”

“I remembered something.”

“Yes, I am aware of that. But your reaction to the memory is cause for concern.”

“I want to go home.”

“I want you to stay.”

“How are you feeling now?” Bard asked, afraid Thranduil and Oropher would have a fight right there in the hospital which would make everything worse.

“Better. Can you take me home?”

“I’m going to have to agree with your father on this one. You need to see a doctor.”

“But…”

“If I have to I’ll put you over my shoulder and carry you back in there.”

“Could you?”

“I could.”

“No, I mean, would you? That would be so Bruce Willis like.”

“Get back inside, cheeky bugger.”

***

The preliminary physical done in the emergency room showed nothing that would have caused the reaction Thranduil had so he was assigned a room and brought upstairs. At least his ada let Bard stay. 

“Comfy?” Bard asked after fluffing the pillows behind Thranduil’s back for the third time.

“Yes, thank you,” Thranduil replied with a smile as he patted the bed next to him. “Too bad the bed isn’t bigger; I’d ask you to lie down with me.”

“Behave yourself.” Bard looked nervously toward the door.

“Relax, he can’t hear you,” Oropher was in the hallway on the phone so Thranduil felt free to tease. “You don’t like hospitals either, do you? You never sit down.”

“I’m restless.”

“Come here.”

Bard stood next to the bed. 

Thranduil popped open the button on Bard’s jeans, “Close the curtain, I’ll help you relax.”

Bard took a step back, rebuttoning his pants, “Can you behave? You can’t, can you?”

Thranduil knelt up, putting his hands on Bard’s hips, “You don’t really want me to behave. Admit it.”

“Here you behave.” Bard put his hands on Thranduil’s shoulders, “At my house you can misbehave all you like as long as the kids aren’t around.”

“It’s too bad we didn’t get to finish.” Thranduil began to gently rub Bard’s crotch through his jeans. “You were driving me crazy, fingering me open so slowly. I know my orgasm would’ve been…”

Bard took a nervous glance toward the open door, “If you don’t stop, I’m going to have to leave.”

“What’s the matter? Am I turning you on?” The younger man began to apply more pressure to the area he was rubbing, “Do you think about fucking me at night when you’re all alone in your little bedroom?”

“Thranduil…”

“Kiss me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

Just then Oropher, leading a team of doctors, entered the room. Bard jumped back. Thranduil pouted as he laid back down on the bed.


	5. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling are revealed. Things are assumed. A discovery is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I had more energy for this story but I don't. You deserve more. Sorry. Again, lots of dialogue.

**Thranduil is home from the hospital. He and Glorfindel are in the sunroom with Legolas. **

“I think I passed out in the ambulance.” Thranduil gazed out the window trying to remember what had happened. He looked back at Glorfindel sitting across from him on the sofa, “The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital.”

“That’s so scary,” Glorfindel tried to sound supportive but what he really wanted were the details Thranduil wouldn’t give anyone. “They have no idea what caused it?”

“The doctor said what I was doing triggered the memory. The MRI was clean.”

“What were you doing when you remembered whatever it was you won’t tell me?”

Thranduil went back to looking out the window. “I can’t tell you that either.”

In his mind Glorfindel knew exactly what Thranduil was doing, “Were you having sex with Bard?”

“Not exactly.”

“You were about to have sex with Bard then.”

“Let’s just say we were on the bed and leave it at that,” Thranduil sighed sorry he’d said anything at all.

Glorfindel needed to get Thranduil’s attention back on him, “So soon though.”

Thranduil turned his head so quickly his neck cracked, “So soon what?”

“It was only your first date.”

That was true from a certain point of view but Thranduil didn’t care to think about that, “That’s what Bard said.”

“So? You think if you don’t sleep with him, he’ll lose interest?” Glorfindel knew his friend so well. He’d been there for the other blond through every relationship high and every low.

“I didn’t say that.”

“But that’s what you think.”

“Did you know we were lovers?”

“I had a feeling something was going on. You worked late a lot. It’s the first time you were in a relationship and you didn’t tell me every dirty detail.”

“He says I told him I loved him.”

“Did he say he loved you?”

“He says he didn’t tell me then, but he told me after the accident that he did, he does. He loves me.”

Upon his arrival at the house earlier that day Glorfindel had started drinking. Hours later he hadn’t stopped until he sat down in the sunroom with Thranduil. He felt brave enough to say, “I love you.”

Thranduil didn’t understand his friend’s meaning, “I love you too.”

“No, I mean, I love you as in I’m in love with you. I always have been.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why do you think I hang around here?” Glorfindel gesticulated widly, “I practically live here.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I could tell you wouldn’t feel the same. This has always been enough for me.”

“But that’s not fair to you. You should go out, find someone who wants you as much as you want them.”

“I think about it sometimes. Then you usually break-up with whoever you’re screwing at the time and you come back to me. This Bard guy won’t last either. He’s too old for you. You should dump him now before he gets in any deeper. You’re too fickle to have any long-lasting relationships anyway. I would’ve been so good to you.”

“What’s wrong with you?” 

“I had a few when I got here, before you came in.” Glorfindel leaned over Thranduil, pinning him in the corner of the sofa with his body, “Tell me, this Bard guy, was he any good, did he make you scream?”

Thranduil could smell the liquor on Glorfindel’s breath now that he was close. “Get off me.” Thranduil pushed but Glorfindel didn’t move.

“I’d make you beg before I let you have it. I’d pound you so hard you’d feel it for days.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“Neither can I.” From where he sat on the patio Oropher had tried not to listen to the conversation but in his inebriated state Glorfindel wasn’t exactly whispering. Oropher had heard every word. Now he entered through the open French door. “Get off my son.”

Glorfindel reacted quickly to the sound of Oropher’s voice; he was off the sofa in flash.

“Have you been using Legolas to get closer to Thranduil?”

“I would never do that.”

“Are you sure? You say you use the pictures of Thranduil to tell Legolas that he’s his ada but I’ve never heard or seen you do that.” Oropher picked up a picture of Thranduil and brought it over to Legolas who was playing with stacking blocks on the floor. “Legolas, who is this?”

Legolas looked at the picture then pointed to Thranduil.

“Is this your ada?”

“No.”

“Who is your ada?”

The child pointed to Glorfindel.

“No, Legolas,” Oropher corrected pointing to Thranduil, “that is your ada over there.”

“Ada.” The child pointed to Glorfindel again.

“I think you owe my son an explanation.”

Without a word Glorfindel turned and walked out the front door slamming it behind him.

Throughout the exchange between the two men Thranduil had sat in stunned silence.

***

**Bard is visiting Thranduil; they are in the apartment above the garage. It’s the Sunday after their trip to the lake.**

“It was all bullshit.”

“I can’t believe somebody who says they loved you would do something like that.”

“Me either. Legolas is coming around though. He actually came to me this morning and he let me put him to bed tonight. Child services thinks there won’t be a problem with my regaining custody.”

“That’s great. You’ll be moving back to your apartment any day now.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I can tell something is bothering you.”

“He loved me. He never said.”

“He also said he knew you’d never feel the same way about him.”

“How could he have known that? If he had told me maybe I would’ve seen him in a different light.”

“Do you want that? Do you want to explore that option with him?”

“No. Not after what he was doing with Legolas.”

“You would want to though, if things had been different?”

“No.” Thranduil shook his head, “I don’t know.”

“I can give you some space to think about it.”

“Oh. No. Things aren’t different, are they? He did what he did. I could never love him after that.”

Bard was visibly relieved. He changed the subject, “So, the nanny plan is still on?”

“Yeah. Two weeks to go.”

“That’s great.” But Thranduil didn’t look very happy. “It’s what you wanted, right?”

“Yeah. Yes. Absolutely.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“What if I screw this up? What if I don’t remember something important?”

“Have you been having more short-term memory problems?”

“I couldn’t remember what I had for lunch last weekend at the lake. I can’t remember what I watched on television last night.”

“Those things don’t seem so important.”

“Do you remember what you ate at the lake?”

Bard hated to admit it but he wouldn’t lie, “I do.”

“Do you remember what you did last night?”

“Yes.”

“What did you do?”

“I reheated the leftover pizza I had for lunch with the kids then watched a movie.”

“What did you watch?”

“Die Hard.”

That made Thranduil smile. “Bruce Willis, right?”

“He’s not bad but like I said I prefer blonds.”

“I’m glad you do. Come here.”

“Why?”

“So I can kiss you.”

“Some of us have to go to work in the morning.”

“Just one kiss.”

“You know it wouldn’t be.”

“Can I see you next weekend?”

“I have the kids. It’s not my weekend but Cheryl has to go out of town for business. I was going to take them to the lake.”

“Okay.”

“Why don’t you come with us?”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense. Come. It’ll be fun. We’ll all go on the rides and the kids will beat us on all the arcade games.”

“I should probably stay here with Legolas.”

“Of course.”

“Why don’t you all come here? The kids can go in the pool, we’ll have a cookout and later we can watch movies in the theater room.”

“You have a theater room?”

“Yeah. There’s a tennis court too, down the back, through the woods, if the kids would be interested in that.”

“What about your father?”

“He stopped playing tennis since he hurt his knee.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“He won’t mind. He likes kids.”

“Okay. If you’re sure your father won’t mind.”

“It’ll be fine.”

***

**The following Saturday evening. Oropher’s house; the theater room.**

“Thanks for today. The kids had a great time. _I_ had a great time.”

“Did you? You seemed distracted most of the time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on. You’ve been there for me during all my crap, let me be here for you now. Tell me.”

“Something is going on at work. There have been a lot of guys in expensive suits all over the place this past week.”

“What are the rumors?”

“I’ve heard they’re attorneys and accountants arranging a merger or a buyout.”

“Ada would never sell. If he was planning a merger he would’ve said something to me. And he’s known you forever. He would’ve told one of us if either of those things was going on.”

“They have everyone very nervous.”

“If you haven’t done anything wrong there’s no reason to be nervous.”

“I guess people are afraid they’ll lose their jobs.”

“I can talk to my father, see if he’ll tell me what’s going on.”

“That’s alright. I’m sure we’ll find out eventually.”

“Can you two be quiet back there!” Bain shouted from the front row. “We’re trying to watch the movie.”

“Sorry,” Bard apologized.

“I know a way we’ll make less noise,” Thranduil whispered in Bard’s ear.

“I bet you do.”

“Kiss me.”

“There are children present.”

“They’re watching the movie.”

“Behave.”

“You already know I can’t do that.” Thranduil ran his hand along Bard’s thigh, squeezing as he neared the top.

“Stop that.”

“Let’s see how quiet you can be.” Thranduil reached over and hit the button that would recline Bard’s chair a little further, “You’re so tense. Relax.” He began to massage Bard’s cock through his clothes.

“Thranduil…”

“Shhhh.”

Bard brushed Thranduil’s hand away, got up and moved a seat over.

“You’re no fun.”

“Not with the children in the room.”

“Sorry. Come back.”

“Promise to behave yourself.”

“I promise.”

Bard moved back to the chair next to Thranduil. 

“Stay the night. There are plenty of empty guest rooms.”

“We couldn’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I wouldn’t want to take advantage of your father’s hospitality. We should probably be going soon anyway.”

“Stay. Ada won’t care. You can sleep with me in my room.”

“In your father’s house. That would be very disrespectful.”

“We’ll go to my apartment above the garage then.” Thranduil sounded desperate, even to himself.

“Next weekend. We’ll do something special.”

“What am I supposed to do with Legolas? I haven’t driven since the accident and he needs the car seat.”

“Let me think about it. I’ll come up with something.”

“Why don’t you come over after he’s gone to bed? We can be in the apartment like we were last Sunday.”

Bard was getting the feeling that his relationship with Thranduil was taking a step backwards; back to where it had been when they were just having sex in his office. “I’ll think about it. Come on kids, time to go.”

“But the movie isn’t over yet.”

“Now.”

The children said their ‘thank yous’ and ‘good-byes’ to Thranduil. Bard lingered behind. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all. I had a great time today. Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for coming.” Thranduil thought he sounded like he was saying goodnight to any party guest, not somebody who loved him. After a quick peck on the lips he escorted Bard out to the driveway.

“I’ll call you.”

“Sure. Okay.” But as the car disappeared down the driveway Thranduil didn’t really think Bard would. He had said or done something wrong but he couldn’t figure out what.

***

“Just tell us why you did it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bard was sitting at the head of the conference table with Oropher and a team of expensive-suited attorneys.

“There are discrepancies in the sales reports from the last year.”

“I don’t understand. They all balanced, didn’t they?”

“They did, however, a small percentage, a very small percentage was deducted from the entries. I know you’re supporting three children and an ex-wife but if you needed help you should’ve come to me.”

“I didn’t deduct anything. I’m doing fine on my salary.”

There was some rumbling from the attorneys about not finding any monies deposited in Bard’s bank accounts that couldn’t be accounted for or explained by salary or bonus deposits. They had also found out that Bard had not made any large, cash purchases in the last year either.

“When did you switch over from manual entry to the formulas?”

It was then that Bard realized who was responsible, “I confess to everything. I did it. It was all me.”

But Oropher had caught the look Bard had on his face, “Out! All of you out! Now!”

It took a few minutes for the grumbling to stop before the suits picked up their briefcases and left the conference room.

“Thranduil?” Oropher asked.

“No. I did it. I’m responsible. Blame me.”

“Don’t do this, Bard. You have too much to lose.”

As much as he hated to admit it Oropher was right; Bard had to think of his children first. “He doesn’t remember.”

“I know. I’ll quietly find the money or take care of the loss myself.”

“Why do you think he did it?”

“Probably to get out from under my rule.”

“He must’ve known it would be discovered.”

“I think he was counting on it.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“There’s no point, is there?”

“But why did he do it?”

“I put a lot of pressure on my son, like my father did on me, to take over this company after I’m gone. But I’ve always known Thranduil wasn’t cut out for corporate life. He loves the outdoors, he’d not do very well in an office all day, every day, year after year after year. He doesn’t have…he couldn’t…sometimes you have to make unpleasant decisions that affect people’s lives. He wouldn’t be able to do that easily. He went to university because I asked him to but he didn’t like it.”

“What he did though, it was _extreme_. What if the,” Bard wanted to say ‘error’ but Thranduil had done it on purpose, “problem was never found?”

“I’m sure he would have thought of something more _extreme_ to get my attention.”

Bard couldn’t get his head around what had happened that morning; it really shook him up. He thought he knew Thranduil but there was a side of his lover he had no idea existed. He couldn’t talk, he could barely think.

“I’m sure he never would have let you take the fall for what he did. He wanted to get caught. I have no doubt about that.” When Bard didn’t reply Oropher said, “Why don’t you take the rest of the day? You look like you could use some time off.”

As he got up Bard nodded, “Thanks.”

Before Bard reached the door Oropher said, “Oh, Bard, if you’re going to break-up with my son over this please let him down gently and please don’t tell him what happened here today.”

Bard just nodded again, shutting the door behind him. Then he had an epiphany; telling Thranduil what he’d done might be exactly what he needed. Bard didn’t knock on the door before he went back into the room.


	6. Breakthrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all I have left. One of the comments added lately to chapter 1 had me doubting this chapter would even be posted. I was seriously considering deleting the whole thing. If it weren't for @love_so_quickly asking for the last chapter it probably never would've been finished.

**The following Saturday – Bard’s department:**

“I don’t understand why I had to come here, Ada.” Thranduil whined like a child. “You could’ve asked Bard to box up my stuff.”

“I told you there were two reasons I wanted you to see where you used to work.”

“So, what’s the second reason?”

Before Oropher could answer the door opened, Bard walked in, “Sorry, I’m late. Everything is all set.”

“What’s going on?” Thranduil asked Bard as he walked by, “What’s ‘all set’?”

“Sit down,” Oropher patted the back of Thranduil’s desk chair as he spun it around.

Willing to put up with whatever was planned for him Thranduil sat down with a sigh, “Okay, now what?”

“I’m going up to my office.”

“Ada?”

“Don’t worry, Bard will be here if you need anything. There’s a box under the desk for your things.”

Thranduil turned around in the chair to look for something to put in the box. When he picked up the picture of Legolas the side of his hand hit the mouse causing the computer screens to light up. Spreadsheets appeared on both monitors. Thranduil was still studying the images a minute later when Bard called him into the office.

“How’s it going out there?”

“It won’t take long. I only have a few things here then you and Ada can get on with your weekend.” Thranduil still felt like something was a little bit off between them. Bard had called but their conversation had been short and impersonal.

“I’ll be here until I get this spreadsheet to balance. I wish you could help. You were a wiz with the formulas.”

Something Bard said made Thranduil uncomfortable, “I’m distracting you. I’ll let you get back to it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Bard stood, “you’re a very pleasant and much needed distraction.”

Thranduil let himself be turned around until he was half sitting, half leaning on the desk, Bard between his spread legs, pressing into him, kissing his neck. _This is how it had been; Bard fucking me in his office, on top of his desk covered in spreadsheets_. The thoughts drifted away when Bard’s mouth covered his, Bard’s body forcing him to lean back further.

Bard pulled back, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t stop.”

“You didn’t seem to be enjoying it.”

“I keep thinking about spreadsheets,” Thranduil partially lied; he was also still trying to figure out what he’d said or done wrong the last time they were together. But Bard was kissing him like there was nothing wrong. He was so confused.

“What about them?” Bard asked.

“Your formulas are off.”

“Yeah. That’s okay. I’ll work on them later.” Bard began to nuzzle at Thranduil’s neck again.

There was a particular spot on Thranduil’s neck that when sucked on Thranduil completely forgot about the spreadsheets and everything else. His body began to react to the sensations it was feeling. He wrapped his legs around his ex-boss’s body, pulling him closer, caging him in. This time when Bard kissed him Thranduil kissed back.

***

The next thing Thranduil would remember is waking up in the hospital, his Ada and Bard sitting in the bedside chairs looking worn out and worried. There was a dull ache in his head, over his right eye. “Ada?”

Oropher, who had definitely not been reading the magazine he’d been holding, was at his son’s side in an instant, “Thranduil. How are you feeling?”

“Can you turn out the lights?”

“I’ll get them.” Bard volunteered as he rose from the chair on the other side of Thranduil’s bed. He shut the door too. “Is that better?”

“Yeah. Thanks. My head is pounding. The light hurts my eyes.” Everything was loud too; their voices, the beeping of the machines. He decided to whisper, “What happened?”

Thankfully Oropher got the hint, “You passed out.”

“Why? What did you do to me?” Those questions were aimed at Bard.

“Nothing!” Bard began to shout but Thranduil grimaced. The rest he said in a whisper, “I swear. We were only trying to help you. I would never hurt you.”

“Thranduil,” Oropher said, “calm down. Think. What do you remember?”

Without missing a beat Thranduil said, “Spreadsheets.”

“Why spreadsheets?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “It’s what popped into my head first.”

“What about them?” Bard asked.

Thranduil closed his eyes to think about spreadsheets. When he opened them he was afraid, “Oh…oh no…the formulas. Ada, I’m so sorry. The money. I have to fix them.”

“It’s alright,” Oropher assured his son, “I’ve already taken care of it. But think for a moment. How did _you_ know about them?”

“Because I did it.”

“When did you do it?”

“When you made me start working for Bard.” That’s when it hit him. “I remember.” But there was no happiness in his voice.

“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be thrilled.”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“It must be overwhelming for you.”

“A little, yeah.”

“How much do you remember?”

What Thranduil remembered most was Bard; his hands, his kiss, his body pressing him down. But when he looked around Bard wasn’t there, “Where’s Bard?”

***

Oropher found Bard by the elevators; he noticed that the down button had been pushed, “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“He wants to see you.”

“Tell me we did the right thing.”

“We did. You’ll see once you talk to him.”

***

They walked in silence back to the room but instead of going inside Oropher said he’d go for coffee to give them time to talk alone. 

Bard knocked on the door before going inside. “Hi.”

“Why did you leave?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Make me remember?”

“I thought it would be better.”

“Better for who?”

“For both of us.”

“We’re going to break-up. Why would you care if I remembered?”

“You’re breaking up with me?”

“No, you’re breaking up with me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why have you been acting so cold?”

“When did I act cold towards you?”

“After I tried to kiss you when your kids were watching the movie in the theater room. I tried to get you to relax, remember? I thought I did something wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then what happened?”

“I felt like,” Bard sighed, “I don’t want our relationship to just be about sex.”

“It’s not. We went to the lake, you brought your children to the house.”

“And both times you wanted sex.”

“Do you want me to apologize for wanting, for liking sex?”

“No, I just don’t want our relationship to be only about that.” Then something occurred to Bard, “Do you think that’s all your worth?”

Bard gave the younger man time to think, time to form an answer but he was surprised that the answer was, ‘most of the time’.

Immediately Bard wanted to shout ‘how can you think that about yourself, about us’ but he kept his head. He asked, “Why?”

“That’s what most of my past relationships were about. That’s how ours started. They all end because of it too.” When Bard didn’t respond Thranduil explained, “They got boring. The sex got boring. What if I become boring?”

“I don’t think it would be possible for you to become boring. Thranduil,” Bard took the younger man’s hand, “I don’t want what we have to end. I want it to grow.”

“So do I. I want to do so much with you. But I love sex too. I need it like we need oxygen.”

“Have I ever said ‘no’ to you?”

“Several times.”

“Only after your accident, when you couldn’t remember us or when the kids were around.”

“And in the hospital.”

“Yeah, there too. Did I ever turn you down before that?”

“No, you never did.”

“Do you remember anything else?”

“I don’t remember telling you ‘I love you’ or the fight we had or the accident. But I remember the feelings I had. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“So much has changed.”

“A lot is still the same.”

“My favorite place for you to fuck me will always be your office.” He said it just to see Bard’s reaction. But what he got was not what he expected.

Bard kissed him hard on the mouth. When they broke apart he said, “We can do it every night when you come back to work.”

“Oh, no. I don’t think I could do that again. I want to be outside. I can’t sit in a stuffy office, no offense.”

“No offense taken. What will you do then?”

“I have no idea.”

Bard said, “We’ll think of something,” before he leaned over to kiss Thranduil again.

***

Two years later:

The unused tennis courts at the back of Oropher’s property were torn up to make room for a house with enough room for a family of six.

Thranduil went back to school to get a degree in early childhood education with the view of becoming a teacher.

And they lived happily ever after.


End file.
